They are incredible front men they come across deep thinking artists with important lyrics but behind the scenes in their real lives chances are there nothing like they are in their public persona I mean they’re both Jewish guys who are pretending to be some kind of Americana **** which is great for performance but it’s not really authentic to who they are as people in real lives So even though they put out great music with great lyrics people get all touchy feely about it When it comes down to it they’re fake and that’s why they’re both hugely overrated.
The Authenticity Hall of Flame
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s roast of two men who spent their entire careers convincing middle America that they were the working-class soul of the nation.
Bruce Springsteen and Bob Dylan. Two poets of the common man. Two prophets of the open road. Two Jewish kids from New Jersey and Minnesota who looked at their actual lives and said, “Yeah, no, let’s make something up.”
Bob Dylan — born Robert Zimmerman in Hibbing, Minnesota — showed up in Greenwich Village and basically said, “I am a drifter from the Mississippi Delta and I have SEEN things.” Bobby, you grew up above your family’s appliance store. The most dangerous thing in your childhood was probably a faulty toaster.
He changed his name to Dylan, after Dylan Thomas, because nothing says authentic American folk singer like naming yourself after a Welsh poet.
Bruce Springsteen — The Boss. Born to Run. Born in the USA. Born… in Freehold, New Jersey… to a bus driver… and attended a Catholic school. He has spent fifty years writing songs about factories, highways, and hard luck. Bruce, have you ever actually worked in a factory? Because your accountant has, and he’s working very hard managing your 500 million dollars.
The most Jersey thing Bruce ever did was charge $5,000 for a Broadway ticket and call it a working-class experience.
And here’s the beautiful part — neither one of them is even a good singer. That’s commitment to the bit. Most performers hide their flaws. These two weaponized theirs. Dylan sounds like a goat that found a harmonica. Springsteen sounds like he’s trying to pass a kidney stone during the guitar solo. And yet — Grammys, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Nobel Prize —
Nobel Prize. Bob Dylan won a Nobel Prize in Literature and didn’t show up to collect it. Even the Swedes got played.
Look, to be fair — the music is genuinely great. Nobody’s disputing that. But let’s be honest about what’s happening here:
Two nice Jewish boys from comfortable homes invented fictional blue-collar alter egos, moved to New York, and spent half a century being celebrated as the authentic voice of American struggle.
That’s not folk music. That’s the longest-running improv performance in history.
Mel Brooks couldn’t have written it better. And at least Mel Brooks told you he was joking.
Bruce and Bob — we salute you. Mazel tov, fellas. Now THAT’S show business.